Alarmist Party: Monster Edition

[harp]

This Party Post is for complaining, griping, and worrying about the mass extinction of monsters. Yes, if challenged, I have three "silver linings" to this phenomenon. Yes, I am fully ready to hear it if "No, Harp, see, Isaac Marion wrote a comedy/actually does it right/wrote something good so give it a chance/be lol-trollin" and even abandon my initial misgivings or give him a chance to see if I like him/it's funny on purpose/he be lol-trollin" or another unforseen... thing.

Later. Let's get our rage on now. The subject is the wrecking of monsters.


We got Smeyer putting a big fluffy bow on vampires and werewolves. No, I don't care if vampires have long since been romanticized; those people didn't literally remove every single thing that's remotely associated with "vampire" and do it on a Hiroshima-sized scale. I mean seriously, it's gotten to the point where even when reasonable people discuss vampires, someone has to evoke the protection shield "but not those vampires".

Then we've got stuff like Beastly, Red Riding Hood, The Vampire Diaries, and more books featuring once delightfully fearful humanoid monsters stripped of their weaknesses and poured into boy band bodies. It's getting very difficult to notice now that they're doing it to Slender Man (admittedly, I don't think it's meant to be good, and also, I personally don't care about Slender Man).

But honestly? They've crossed a line this time. Zombies? No. That's pushing it. That's dirty pool. The fact that Smeyer is "endorsing it", well! So many jokes, don't know which one to pick.

Ok, here's the part where I start breathing fire.

1. Why the flip is it always monster male/hoo-min female? I know the obvious answers, and they make-a me sick. I'm not rolling my eyes. What's happening is that my mouth is in a very tight rage-frown and all the vomit has backed up and my eyeballs are floating around in it.

My kingdom for a Vampire!Female/Hoo-min male story, please. The last female supernatural/male mortal story I got was Ariel from the little mermaid. ... Annnnd I'm just realizing that once again, in the end, she ended up turning into what he was. ... In Thumbelina (Don Bluth's) too. Damn.. now I'm all sad again.

2. (Re-posted from a rant on ONTDCreepy) All of this recent defamation is dumbing down monsters (not just them but the fear, the consequence, the moral and ethical questions, the mythos, the defenses against them) for an oversexed, idiotic society of pre-teen twits more interested in coupling than thought-provoking discussion, real substance, and terror.

3. Call me every synonym for tin-hatter that you want (I mean that, seriously, please; because I want so badly for someone to tell me to stop freaking out; please wake me up) but this whole new gentle luvver-monster fad is the new "prince charming" tale to tell women and girls "look, here is the perfect man. Strive for him and he will be yours". It's sexism that's ok. Seriously think about it for a second- these monsters have no weaknesses anymore. It's always a human female. The only bit of "monster" retained in them gives them just a bit of the physical upper hand on the female.

And now, don't blink or you'll miss it. Never before seen in nature: Harp is about to pay a compliment to Ron/Hermione.
At least with Ron and Hermione, they're both wizards, and when it comes to magic, she could kick his ass before he could so much as reach for his wand. ... Not that she would; they're very good friends and her wife Luna (or Lavender) agreed to be surrogate for his and Draco's baby.



I'm gritting my teeth, and I think it's only partially from the cold. Let us end on two positive notes.

Some Beautiful Minds on W.C, high on Badfic, fell asleep and together dreamed a dream of a beautiful sitcom sort of like The Brady Bunch if the dad was a former librarian at Miskatonic, the mom was an ex cultist, and instead of being from a previous marriage,her kids are from ritualistic cult breeding with starspawn.
This is their chatter

Positive Note B:
As I promised Wolfe- Proof that Twatlight didn't kill the Harry Potter series, but actually revived it for a short while. This was a beautiful night, November 2008. The Harry Potter fans of Livejournal put their differences aside and rose up together, united against a common enemy. Do you understand how epic that is? Livejournal, one of the most violent, cruel, bloody Western Fronts of the Harry Potter Civil Fandom Wars (aside from Fictionally and JournalFen). And on ONTD, the site where What/Who You Like Sucks. That's one of my favorite memories of the Harry Potter Fandom.

Remember the comparison of the fandoms to family homes? My icon is a polaroid taken at the state fair when the H.P family royally kicked the Twilight family's arses at tug of war. Then we pantsed them, painted their kids in the Hogwarts house colors, tagged their campsite, and set their car on fire. And we did it as a family. Harry Potter Fandom, we will always have Super Troll Sunday.


I'm tired; if I needa fix my tags, I'll do it later on; also I still need-a read your comments from last post. Very sorry; got some super unhappy news Tuesday is all.

Comments

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Never before seen in nature: Harp is about to pay a compliment to Ron/Hermione.

*faints*

Not that she would; they're very good friends and her wife Luna (or Lavender) agreed to be surrogate for his and Draco's baby.

*faints again*

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

You was not supposed to see that, you know. But, but, but see the above statement.

Also, I have many, many more nice things to say about Harry/Hermione.

Also, assume that Hermione/Lavender takes place in a reality where with his last breath after killing Voldemort, Harry says to Hermione "If you truly love me, you will find another and learn to find a new happiness; only then can my soul rest in peace" (with a lot more hacking and gasping).

Also, I know, I know but it's not like I ship them or nothin'; don't worry, my Ron boat only docks in Draco Harbor. (Or Lucius, or Luna, or Lavender, or Rosmerta, or Narcissa, or Pansy, or Lucius and Narcissa together but not as just some one-night or sex-buddy thing, but as a true, loving, committed OT3 because that's nice).
And not that you ask, but Pansy, Padma Patil, Luna, Lavender Brown, Minerva, Harry, Neville-later-in-life, Gilderoy Lockheart but not as a sexual thing only as an assisted living thing when she's in her 20's; these are my Hermione ships.)

Also, look one comment below; you and Barrie seriously need to meet and talk, you would be bros.

[nobleplatypus]

Thread-hopping, but. BUT. Thank heaven for someone else who thinks Ron/Hermione is REDONK. >_> I avoid the HP fandom like my sanity depends on it (as it probably does), but I have never really bought R/H as a realistic ship and I really resented the epilogue for pretty much doing NOTHING but cramming those dumb canon ships down my throat. Like, yes, JKR, I get it. I don't buy it, but I GET IT OKAY. STAHP.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Oh, R/Hr drove me into a horrific rage back in the fandom days. I could (and probably did) write a doctoral thesis on all the things wrong with that ship. Did you know there's even a term we learned in Psyche class for what they have? It's called "fatal attraction". The complete theory* is this: Two opposites are attracted by their differences alone. Eventually, what attracted them to one-another ("A's such a free spirit!" "B is so grounded!") is what drives them crazy ("FFS, would you light somewhere?" "You're such a stick in the mud"). With no common interests to hold them, they eventually fall apart.

Ron and Hermione don't have a single Goddamned common interest. Or, as someone worded it for the stubborn gits "if they had eight hours alone together, what would they do?" Have they ever had a conversation? They've literally never even apologized for their arguments. Ohhhh, and I'd hear it all the friggin time from the rabids. "Couples fiiii-iight, WAH!" Yeah, they do. And what's the best outcome of a fight? You learn something about each other, grow from it, and don't have the same fight again. Maybe even learn how to compromise. Fights don't just go away; they get resolved. No, "Me and Hermione have stopped fighting" is not a resolution. It's called "ceasefire"; look it up." R/Hr might be cute for some people to watch, but imagine being 24/7 around a couple that fights all the time.

But after what I said to you up there, I could potentially like the pairing in the strictly schadenfreude sense. Or like the self-destructive slapstick bad guys. I don't get it. Why is hurtful, hateful banter supposedly "cute"? Why do people say "Aww, they should get together". Ok, imagine what you just saw? Only ten times more personal and with the trappings of a relationship they're both too proud to call of. I bet those people bought Jan and Michael's relationship in The Dinner Party episode of the Office. "Ron and Hermione seem to be playing their own separate game. And it's called, "Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning."

*I have to say this now, because when I tried to explain it in the past, a bunch of whiny fans would come in with "WAH BUT OPPOSITES CAN ATTRACT!" disregarding that the statement depends on one-another and that the second part is the killing blow.

[nobleplatypus]

EXACTLY.

I sort of feel like JKR was trying to emulate Beatrice and Benedict from "Much Ado About Nothing" with the whole, "Look, they bicker! It's because they're in loooove!" thing. Except in "Much Ado," they're both adults and it's implied that they actually used to get along fairly well and then had a falling out. The bickering is like a coping mechanism, because they're both hurt and don't want to admit it.

Whereas in HP, there's never any kind of hint or inkling that Ron and Hermione are capable of anything but bickering. That is all they've ever done since they met. Sure, they care about each other, and if one gets hurt the other gets upset about it--that makes sense, because they're friends, and you'd have to be pretty callous to not care that your friend is in the hospital wing--but that's not enough to sustain a romantic relationship when they pretty much have nothing else in common.

Honestly, I could have done without ANY shipping among the main trio, but I have to say, when the locket Horcrux was all "JEEZ RON WHY WOULD HERMIONE EVER DATE YOU?" I was like, "VOLDY HAS A POINT GUYS."

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

I could have done without all the "this person married that one" stuff, too. Who knows why JK had to obsessively pair everyone up and go on and on about it in the interviews. Whatever her reason, the One Big Happy Weasley Family thing gained an extremely profile-able rabid following- again, all three words required to fit the definition. Without fail, every single one of them had one thing in common- the crippling, life-threatening fear of singularity. I learned first-hand that implying that someone was dateless that night or wishing eternal bachelor/ette status on someone was literally, I mean literally the equivalent of giving someone the finger to them. Seriously, one of them, Daksian, admitted it to me. He explained that he was journal-stalking me because I told someone from his camp that I didn't care what they thought because they were probably using the forum because their rudeness condemned them to a friendless, family-less life dying alone. Thing is, I didn't even mean it as an insult any more than I'd say "you're just saying that because we have the same birthday".

Unfortunately, that "single-ness is not a choice, it is a thing that you deal with until you can get attached to someone" mentality is another thing that drives the media machine, isn't it? (warning: eye-roll inducing statement ahead; viewer discretion advised) But I don't get it. You're never truly alone if you have books and music and comedy. And definitely not if you have RP. Seems like relationships just get in the way of all of those nice things. I really understand Ardal O'hanlon when he said that another way of expressing your love and admiration for another human being is "leaving them alone for a while".

[theidolhands.livejournal.com]

I'm not a hardcore fan, but my family was and I did see the films.

I agree with your feelings on this (and not because I disliked either character). I actually thought Harry and Hermione were better, not that I needed that to happen, but I'd fantasize about how powerful they would be together and elements would vaguely remind me of his parents.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

I friggin love power couples like that. People who get along and laugh. Peanut butter and chocolate.

And personally, Ron is my favorite, and I really think he needs to be with someone who won't go "oh, here, just let me do it; you always mess things up". He needs a Harry/Hermione relationship, not a Ron/Babysitter one. To this day, the whole fandom treats ron like the big emotional goof along for the ride just for the sake of old times, and I hate that. Seriously hate it. Don't know if JK intended for this to happen, but she accidentally revealed a lot about Ron through throw-away scenes that you have to collect and put together. For example, how he's always piling up on food at Hogwarts. Everyone in the fandom laughs about it, I'm like "Yeah, well, he comes from a big family; he's probably hard wired to associate group eating with "get all you can, fast, or there won't be any left".

[theidolhands.livejournal.com]

Speaking as a person who grew up poor, you nailed it.

And again, I agree 100% on your relationship assessment.