Alarmist Party: Monster Edition

[harp]

This Party Post is for complaining, griping, and worrying about the mass extinction of monsters. Yes, if challenged, I have three "silver linings" to this phenomenon. Yes, I am fully ready to hear it if "No, Harp, see, Isaac Marion wrote a comedy/actually does it right/wrote something good so give it a chance/be lol-trollin" and even abandon my initial misgivings or give him a chance to see if I like him/it's funny on purpose/he be lol-trollin" or another unforseen... thing.

Later. Let's get our rage on now. The subject is the wrecking of monsters.


We got Smeyer putting a big fluffy bow on vampires and werewolves. No, I don't care if vampires have long since been romanticized; those people didn't literally remove every single thing that's remotely associated with "vampire" and do it on a Hiroshima-sized scale. I mean seriously, it's gotten to the point where even when reasonable people discuss vampires, someone has to evoke the protection shield "but not those vampires".

Then we've got stuff like Beastly, Red Riding Hood, The Vampire Diaries, and more books featuring once delightfully fearful humanoid monsters stripped of their weaknesses and poured into boy band bodies. It's getting very difficult to notice now that they're doing it to Slender Man (admittedly, I don't think it's meant to be good, and also, I personally don't care about Slender Man).

But honestly? They've crossed a line this time. Zombies? No. That's pushing it. That's dirty pool. The fact that Smeyer is "endorsing it", well! So many jokes, don't know which one to pick.

Ok, here's the part where I start breathing fire.

1. Why the flip is it always monster male/hoo-min female? I know the obvious answers, and they make-a me sick. I'm not rolling my eyes. What's happening is that my mouth is in a very tight rage-frown and all the vomit has backed up and my eyeballs are floating around in it.

My kingdom for a Vampire!Female/Hoo-min male story, please. The last female supernatural/male mortal story I got was Ariel from the little mermaid. ... Annnnd I'm just realizing that once again, in the end, she ended up turning into what he was. ... In Thumbelina (Don Bluth's) too. Damn.. now I'm all sad again.

2. (Re-posted from a rant on ONTDCreepy) All of this recent defamation is dumbing down monsters (not just them but the fear, the consequence, the moral and ethical questions, the mythos, the defenses against them) for an oversexed, idiotic society of pre-teen twits more interested in coupling than thought-provoking discussion, real substance, and terror.

3. Call me every synonym for tin-hatter that you want (I mean that, seriously, please; because I want so badly for someone to tell me to stop freaking out; please wake me up) but this whole new gentle luvver-monster fad is the new "prince charming" tale to tell women and girls "look, here is the perfect man. Strive for him and he will be yours". It's sexism that's ok. Seriously think about it for a second- these monsters have no weaknesses anymore. It's always a human female. The only bit of "monster" retained in them gives them just a bit of the physical upper hand on the female.

And now, don't blink or you'll miss it. Never before seen in nature: Harp is about to pay a compliment to Ron/Hermione.
At least with Ron and Hermione, they're both wizards, and when it comes to magic, she could kick his ass before he could so much as reach for his wand. ... Not that she would; they're very good friends and her wife Luna (or Lavender) agreed to be surrogate for his and Draco's baby.



I'm gritting my teeth, and I think it's only partially from the cold. Let us end on two positive notes.

Some Beautiful Minds on W.C, high on Badfic, fell asleep and together dreamed a dream of a beautiful sitcom sort of like The Brady Bunch if the dad was a former librarian at Miskatonic, the mom was an ex cultist, and instead of being from a previous marriage,her kids are from ritualistic cult breeding with starspawn.
This is their chatter

Positive Note B:
As I promised Wolfe- Proof that Twatlight didn't kill the Harry Potter series, but actually revived it for a short while. This was a beautiful night, November 2008. The Harry Potter fans of Livejournal put their differences aside and rose up together, united against a common enemy. Do you understand how epic that is? Livejournal, one of the most violent, cruel, bloody Western Fronts of the Harry Potter Civil Fandom Wars (aside from Fictionally and JournalFen). And on ONTD, the site where What/Who You Like Sucks. That's one of my favorite memories of the Harry Potter Fandom.

Remember the comparison of the fandoms to family homes? My icon is a polaroid taken at the state fair when the H.P family royally kicked the Twilight family's arses at tug of war. Then we pantsed them, painted their kids in the Hogwarts house colors, tagged their campsite, and set their car on fire. And we did it as a family. Harry Potter Fandom, we will always have Super Troll Sunday.


I'm tired; if I needa fix my tags, I'll do it later on; also I still need-a read your comments from last post. Very sorry; got some super unhappy news Tuesday is all.

Comments

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

I'm over 40 but not quite old enough to have watched Dark Shadows on TV. But, I've been a Tolkien fan since age 7, drawn in by the Rankin-Bass movie but hooked instantly when my parents said "you know there's a BOOK, right?" and, hell, I thought Orlando Bloom as Legolas was pretty cute. I like femmy men... and I was happy that people were starting to love the thing I loved, even if they hadn't been drawn in deeply yet.

For all that I loved nearly every Stephen King work from Carrie through Misery (they got patchy after that), I'm not really deeply committed to the horror genre. There are some tropes I find satisfying, but I prefer them admixed with romance, or at least with Bradbury's lyricism. So I'm not going to have the EW YOU GOT YOUR ROMANCE ALL OVER MY HORROR MAKE IT GO AWAY. The first vampire I loved was probably Count von Count, and the first one who frightened me was the Dracula in Tom Lehrer's "-LY" song on The Electric Company (no, seriously, look it up if it's not familiar, and imagine an anxious three-year-old) and the first one I desired but couldn't have was Count Chocula (my mother did not believe in sugar cereals). When I grew older, there were the frightening Nosferatu-types in 'Salem's Lot, but, as you might guess from the photo, I was grabbed hard by Lestat.

So romance in my vampires doesn't fret me. The romance offered by the sparklepires doesn't tempt me: you see them as over-powerful because their traditional weaknesses have been filed off, but I can't help but see them as watered-down, because they're acting more like romance heroes than frightening monsters. Edward claims he wants to devour Bella, but he restrains himself, and he insists on refraining from sex, and he keeps refusing to change her, and all this is supposed to be a sign of his great love for her, but, dammit, it's infantilizing. I want my vampires to crave my blood, and TAKE it (I will offer it, even) and exercise just enough restraint to keep me alive to do it again. I want them to be thoroughly interested in sex, and even if it's not their primary pleasure any more, I want them to be interested in driving me wild. I want my vampires, if they fall in love with me, to beg me to let them change me, so we can be together forever. Vampires are supposed to be PASSIONATE. Edward is anything but (destroyed pillow on wedding night notwithstanding). So I find him deeply disappointing.

And I like the vampire weaknesses because they're a way of marking that even the ultimate sexy bad boy is vulnerable too, and a human lover will have to use care and caution around him not to endanger him, just as he has to use care and caution not to endanger his human partner. That? Is REALLY satisfyingly romantic for me.

I can deal with unrepentant, unromantic all-monster vampires. But I do feel like they should be Nosferatu-types, or at least reveal physical scariness/ugliness when they're in predator mode, if they can pass sometimes. The pretty ones (and Bela Lugosi is pretty, in my eyes, take it from there) -- the handsome princes of the night -- they should be romantic.

I mean, DUDE. The Frank Langella poster with the fucking BRIDAL CARRY. Fucking bulletproof kink. Right there.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Ahh, you'd like Ivan Fidatov, then. That's who my RP partner writes.

exercise just enough restraint to keep me alive to do it again. That's Ivan! "Blood pets" he calls them.

thoroughly interested in sex, and even if it's not their primary pleasure any more, That's old hedonist Ivan. Works out, too, 'cause he can be easily distracted by pleasing his senses. 'Caurse, that's also how he ended up stuck with his Idiot Fledgeling...

beg me to let them change me, so we can be together forever. That... would be Ivan, except he has had two lovers-turned already, and it ended so poorly both times, and he's been alive for so long (11th or 12th century) that he's got an understanding of just how long forever is. :I Actually, if you have any excerpts from your book about the Turning Discussion, I... ahh, maybe I shouldn't. I just need some kinda idea. 'Cause if he did ask her, right now she'd probably point out just how dangerous it could be.

((Confiding in you, plz feel free to skippit!)) I mean, she's terribly, terribly persuasive and cagey, manipulative even. She's spun things in crazy ways, it'd take a lotta words to explain, and done it in that especially sneaky way where the person thinks they came up with the idea themselves. So the first century or three might be fine, but time can really strip the humanity from a person. That kinda power with a maxed out charisma stat minus the morality compass... it might get messy.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Hee, White Wolf called blood pets "blood dolls". I see you're fine with the Lestat-inspired White Wolf model I love so much!

Vampire Byron is like that, too, although he's careful enough to keep it nearer the Red Cross guidelines -- actually he and Laura (yes, I named her Laura Aubrey, I am a little shit that way) had a cute extension of the safe sex discussion where they worked out a balance of less blood/more often and only brief tastes during the recovery period. (Feeding, if he chooses his moment right? Can induce extended orgasm. LIke, for the duration of it. So the balance is important!)

Byron is absolutely burnt out on 'forever', though. Back when he was human, Caroline fucking Lamb was supposed to be forever, or at least they said it a lot to each other during their affair, and their breakup was EPIC. He DOES NOT say 'forever'.

He's also not willing to discuss killing Laura if she gets old and decrepit. Shuts that RIGHT down.

I'm afraid it isn't a book -- it's a short story that hasn't hit the target 15K yet. Still a rough draft. But, if you'd like to see it, pm me your email address and I'll share the Google doc with you. I love feedback!

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

yes, I named her Laura Aubrey
I missed the reference, so it's new to me.

He's also not willing to discuss killing Laura if she gets old and decrepit.
That's also something I'm worried about. One of these days, she's not gonna be so young anymore, and unlike the Blood Pets they started out with in the first game (Alice and Chester) she's likely not going to get killed.

But, if you'd like to see it, pm me your email address and I'll share the Google doc with you. I love feedback!
And I want to say yes, but I'm afraid of 1) unwitting Osmosis (or is it diffusion?) and Plasmoptysis, 2) inadequate feedback (I am a matador of it), 3) annoying you when I fall off the face of the earth in May (that's when mortuary school resumes). Now if you had some discussion feedback questions you needed answered, like "I wrote this scene, what does this evoke?" and "in this argument, what are they saying and whose side are you taking, and what do you feel are the motives behind her argument? What? No, she wasn't trying to get his pity, she was trying to make him laugh, where did you get that?" and "What zodiac sign is this character and why?" well, I can do that. I do best with guidelines.

Any fule kno sex=babies
What's fule kno sex?

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Miss Aubrey is the protagonist's sister in The Vampyre, the one Lord Ruthven (in other words, Byron) is trying to seduce and kill. She has no first name. Laura is the vampire Carmilla's target, in LeFanu's story. I'm hoping to make very geeky and thorough vampire fans giggle.

The story doesn't exactly take the kind of questions you're proposing. Uncharacteristically for me, it's first person, Laura's POV, with a decidedly (deliberately) chick-lit flavor to it. And I think I can trust my beta to tell me if I make one tricky bit work -- in the third sex scene, which is an actual roleplay one instead of just accommodating vampire physiology, Laura is going to have to break fourth wall very near the start of it, because their roleplay is premised on Byron acting like a movie vampire with a strong basis in Bram Stoker's writing, and so his semi-scripted dialogue is going to sound CHEESY AS HELL, and Laura's "voiceover" will be explaining WHY they're using such cheesy dialogue, with a bit of lit-crit underpinning it. But I know I risk wrecking the momentum of the sex scene. I just feel like, on balance, I'd rather risk the digression and then return to SEXYTIMES than risk losing readers when they think "OMG WHO EVEN TALKS LIKE THAT" about the roleplay words. This is why I haven't written that part yet.

I won't be offended if some of my ideas seep into your RP, but if you don't want to risk muddling it, I'll understand.

Also, May is not an issue. I'm thinking it'll be done around next week.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

I should probably warn you I'm a bit of a Byron stan. It's not that I don't see his flaws (and he was, unquestionably, flawed) but I have a very poor opinion of Caroline Lamb's mental stability, and I think Annabella Millbanke was a cold bitch (even if my adored Ada Lovelace's talents probably came from her and not from her father), and as for Claire Clairmont, her behavior was 100% stupid, and I think she took advantage of Byron as much or more as he took advantage of her... it's just that, in the 19th century, the inescapable consequences were a lot worse for her. BUT SHE MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT. Any fule kno sex=babies, and yet she THREW herself at him. Practically dragged him into bed. Idiot.

And he built a cynical shell around a hopelessly idealistic core, and you didn't have to dig deep to see the hurt, and he had a wicked sense of snarky humor, and so... despite his flaws and episodes of being an asshole, I'm a bit of a stan.