Problem, Young Reapers? *Trollface* or "Asexuals in Aromantic... uh... Other"

[harp]

The first three tests (Microbiology, Anatomy, Funeral Directing) went incredibly well. The one we had on embalming on Friday... not so well. Fortunately, I'm not the only one.

Our very first test was on the history of embalming, and wow, is there a lot of history. Who invented the Trochar? Who got caught photographed embalming in the Civil War and made it so that we have to get licenses? Who invented embalming fluid? Who was the first black embalmer?

Professor M must've known we were worried, because he trolled us gewd with the first test. I kid you not, these are some of the items in the "match the name to the things" part of the exam:

"Discovered Capillaries"
"Invented the Trochar"
"Father of embalming"
"Father of modern embalming"
"Embalmed Lincoln"
"Did none of these things"

And then this one: "Derp's Catacomb is named after him" with Joe Derp and William Derp right next to each other as options in the names column.

The first black embalmer was a man named Prince Greere. The other class had that as a multiple choice question. With the other answers multiple spellings of Greere, including "Green". I could practically see the trollface/rage comic spawning from that. I'll probably make it one.


I finally got around to inviting this girl that sits on the other side of the room and wears a black and white striped scarf all the time into our studying group, and it wasn't scary at all. She's incredibly cute and (get this) about my height, maybe even a titch shorter. Aquarius, too. It's always Aquarius.

These situations don't come up much, but they're annoying if I think about it too much. It's like... she's cute, but who cares? I can't really do anything about it because (and this is hard to explain), there's nothing to be done about it. Sure I know what other people would do.

"Tell her you think she's cute."
Why?
"Maybe she'll go out with you."
But I don't want to go out with her.
"Why not?"
I'm not interested, it would cut into my alone time, I'd have to talk and tell her things, she'd probably expect me to want to kiss and stuff or hang out outside of class.
"Thought you said she was cute."
She is! Very!
"So don't you want to do something about it?"
I... what are my options?
"Ask her out."
I'm really, really not interested in that.
"What would you do if she asked you out? Hypothetically."
Get really uncomfortable and feign oblivion and make up an excuse as I did so, but be glad that this means we're friends.

What can you do? Nothing. "My blood type is B. There was a lady in a red coat on the subway today. I think you're super cute, and it's a lot of fun, and that makes me really happy." Those are all the same when I say them, but people have reactions of various types to the last one.

"I wish you were asexual, too, so we could be asexual aromantic together." I can't even explain that to you guys, and I'm laughing about how it can't be explained! "Well... that's when we say to each other 'wow, you're cute, I like you' and then we never, ever, ever talk about it again or acknowledge it, and hardly talk to each other, but we leave each other unsigned little general notes and maybe a few times a year for no reason tiny inexpensive gifts for no reason. We never say thank you for these, we merely express our delight as though the other isn't there (but they probably are listening). To put it in the most blunt of terms bordering on crass and a bit overstated, we don't date anyone at all, but we're not dating each other a little less than we're not dating everyone else in the world." Think Dwight and Angela from The Office seasons 1-5, but subtract the sex and the cute name calling. Torrented that show and have been watching it lately before bed. I especially like the whole not-looking-at-each-other-to-talk thing.

What can I do but keep it to myself? For everyone's sake. It's common courtesy to do so.

Comments

[iyeshana.livejournal.com]

Hello :) I haven't commented here much in a while, but this entry is pretty interesting to me. If you don't mind answering, what is it like being asexual? What do you think are the differences between being a sexual and non-sexual being? I'm honestly very curious because I've always been interested in human sexuality (and you've seemed like a friend to me online). if you don't want to answer that's perfectly okay ! <3
best wishes <3 :)

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Nah, I don't mind answering. Or trying to.

Being Asexual. To get an idea what it's like, imagine NASCAR. Are you interested in NASCAR? Watching the cars go around a million times, the driver's names, the miles, the makes and models? Not really interesting? Don't really care? Imagine if everyone in your school was suddenly super obsessed with it and one day your friends convinced you to go to one of the races. You know that kinda feeling of "Ok, I'm trying to give a damn, but I really would rather be doing something else" and "Explain to me again what the appeal is?" and "Ok. You like that. More power to you, but I don't care"? Sex is like NASCAR.

Even closer example: Imagine your family moved to another planet that was exactly like Earth with beings that were exactly like humans except that on this planets, babies actually come from stork delivery. On this planet, the dominant culture is based on eyebrow beauty. Males of the species are said to think about a raised eyebrow every 17 seconds. Most plots on TV shows feature eyebrow fixation as a major plot point. Touching another's eyebrow is something you do behind closed doors. Licking another's eyebrow... That is supposed to be reserved for marriage, but plenty of teens who slurp in parked cars, far from the eyes of prudish parents. Some teens' grades are bad because they cannot concentrate on academics; all they ever think about is eyebrows, especially big bushy ones.

"What on Earth is this eyebrow thing?" you, new resident from Earth ask. You are aware of eyebrows' existence, and you are perfectly capable of admiring a nice set aesthetically, but these people seem to devote a large chunk of mental energy and waking hours to it! And it's kinda ridiculous! It just does not make sense. It's their culture, and you're like "oh, well, I just live here!" but sometimes it gets a teensy bit old when every conversation, tv show, movie, and book starts to go back to that eyebrow thing.

That little switch is what I think the difference is. Every human has a sexual switch. Every single one. When it gets flicked to "on", a person is turned on and all the sex-lextricity flows. Most people get their switches connected during puberty, but some people get it connected earlier. Some people's switches only get activated by certain things. Some people's wirings short out. The wirings usually follow a general pattern. Some people have a dimmer instead of a switch. Some people's electricity flows more strongly to the living room than it does to the dining room.

And asexuals... the electrician never showed up to hook up the wire. Which confuses some people. They're like "I'm flicking this switch! Is it going? Why isn't there light?!" And it can be confusing for asexuals, too. We see everybody else flicking their switches and going "WOW! ALL THIS LIGHT!" So sometimes it's like "where's my light?" And before I realized it, I often mistook the light shining in the windows from outside or from other people's houses to be my light. But nope. The switch just isn't connected. And sometimes I forget that it's not connected until I invite someone over to read.
"Uh, where's the light?"
"... Oops. Forgot about that. Um... want to sit in the dark?"
"Well then how do you read?"
"I don't, really."
"Well then why do you invite me to read if you don't have any lights?"
"Yours were just so bright shining in my windows! I got confused! I keep hearing all this stuff about when the lights go on, and it's such a "given" that everyone has lights that sometimes I can forget that the switch doesn't connect."

But other times, most times in fact, but especially when my friends are moping about their relationship troubles, it's more like everyone has this horrible curse or disease and it makes them miserable. But I don't have the disease and I am immune, so I feel guilty watching them suffer.

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

I like the electricity analogy!

[lokifan]

Really cool analogy!

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

I hope that helps. If not, ask, ask ask. Education is good. Some people get all butthurt when asked "what's it like to be asexual" and I'm sure they have their reasons for feeling annoyed, but some of them really snap and bark at people who ask, and that's just wrong. Then they go "Aren't I allowed to get angry?" Yeah. You're allowed to get angry. You're not allowed to express than anger by being nasty to another person. Just be nice, jeez... Sorry. I just can't stand those anti-intellectual, anti-education people who want people to give a damn about their cause and spend a bunch of time educating themselves about it and they can't understand why a person might not want to go do that after being belittled and guilted and made to feel like shyte. I have no sympathy for those people. They're mean and rotten and don't deserve kindness if they can't first show it.

[iyeshana.livejournal.com]

thanks for the clever analogy. It was fun to read --you're a great writer!
and I agree completely that education is important.. I'm the type of person who always wants to learn more, especially from someone in the situation (like you). lack of education is why people may not know if they're asexual, transgendered, gay, bi, etc. Thanks for teaching me something.
Sexuality can be fun but also a burden so you may not be missing out as much as you think (by other people focusing too much on it in their lives). :)

[x-creepy-doll-x.livejournal.com]

MMkay, what about hanging out with this person in the complete nonsexual as friends mode? Or are you really introverted to where that isn't something you like to do? When I think about the countless hours I have spent with people I don't fuck and won't ever fuck, because it's not that type of relationship, it tallies up pretty high.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

So long as it didn't cut into my precious alone time, then yes! Alone time is very important. That's when I get to do fun things like go to the woods and LJ and re-read vampire RPG.

Another example for scale: I consider any time I'm on Facebook as cutting into my alone time.

[x-creepy-doll-x.livejournal.com]

lol. You do sound like a superduper-introvert.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

I'm quite Fluttershy, apparently.

[janaychan.livejournal.com]

Hello ^^

I personally don't think you should censor yourself if questioned. You have a right to explain that you are asexual and what that may mean for you. Hopefully they won't descriminate. If they are not open minded though, you must hold your head high and represent..

I understand its difficult though, since unlike gay, straight, lesbian, bi..asexuality is not well known...but it should be.

As for the girl, you can become a really good friend of her. Hopefully she will understand your stance when it comes time to explain later on. As a straight girl with no interest in other girls, I still acknowledge some girls are cute or beautiful, but I simply want to be their friend.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Janay!

Problem is, it takes a long while to explain myself and most people do not have the time for it. So it's easier to say nothing.

[x-creepy-doll-x.livejournal.com]

Maybe "Hey! Wanna hang out? This isn't a pass; I would just like to have coffee and enjoy a good conversation. You interested?"

Then the explanations can happen later in a relaxed setting over coffee. Or tea, whatevs.

[etai.livejournal.com]

Ya, I agree. I have no problems saying someone is cute, male or female.

[ozen.livejournal.com]

"Asexual aromantic relationship" is a more verbose way of saying "friends". Isn't it? Or is it?

You should make friends with her so that you can hang out and be in lots of photos smiling next to her cuteness. And then put the photos in chintzy little dollar-store frames with stars and hearts and rainbows all over.



"Derp's Catacomb is named after..." Derpy Hooves!

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Not the same because I'm not jealous of you being friends with someone else, but I'd be jealous if someone and I were not dating each other a little less than we were not dating everyone else in the world and then Someone started not dating someone else a little less than they were not dating the rest of the world in addition to not dating me. Unless this person and I were also not dating a little less than we were not dating the rest of the world. But it's very hard to quantify that.

So it's not the same.

If you draw a picture for me, I will put it in that picture frame. I don't really like having pictures of people around. To intense. Feels like they're looking at me.

[etai.livejournal.com]

You are awesome. That's all I got to say.

[thehulkstoy.livejournal.com]

How can you not want to nakedly gyrate on naked cute girls? I mean getting all sweaty with fluids and awkward angles...

to be not sarcastic, being asexual aromantic sounds fucking beautiful.

[barsukthom.livejournal.com]

At times it has had its appeal, yeah.

[paul richmond (from livejournal.com)]

Hey was this person even speaking to you? Any excuse to bitch about how bad you have it I guess.

Srsly doesn't it just suck when people expect things like honesty and respect in relationships and then have a problem with it and won't just go away with out another word whenever you decide you're bored of them?

It must really suck to be you. They're obv bitches who don't know their place.

[dancingcarrot21.livejournal.com]

Ah man, it sucks when people misunderstand your orientation. D: My best friend is asexual too, and she gets that kind of talk a lot. She has no interest in even dating either, but some of her family members and classmates have told her plenty of times to find a cute guy and start a family with him. :-/

Anyway, have you seen the forum AVEN? I think you'd like it a lot. It's a place where asexuals can hang out and talk without anyone judging them.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

AVEN is a lot of fun :3 I've been there since around 2005 or 2006. Man... it's been a while. I mean, asexual visibility has come a long damn way since I first found out that I was. Not that it's all been good of course (Carrot, I could make you LOL if I told you!) but as far as orientations go, I think we're the only ones that don't have a slur attached. We mostly get left alone. I suggest your friend employ some good ol' trollin' on her classmates. Amy Sedaris, for example, made up a boyfriend named Ricky, who is now dead and haunting her house. It's amazing how if you stick to a dumb story like that and bring it up consistently when the "get a lover" talk starts, people eventually get tired of badgering you. Why U Mad, tho? *trollface*

[barsukthom.livejournal.com]

Hey, you! Glad you're still alives!
DEDFOLX class sounds like a brilliant challenge! (I, of course, would expire from TEH YUXX five seconds in.)(And then you would be brought in to show off my corpse to its finest degree. Thingyness.)
And I, of course, would have been unable to express to the cute young lady that I thought she was cute because my tongue would have risen up, wrapped itself around my larynx, and throttled me. (Allowing you to demonstrate your mastery of the art of human taxidermy) Because I just. Can't. Say. Things. Like. That.

[harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com]

Ain't you married, Padre?

[barsukthom.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes I am, through an amazing stroke of luck.
And it took me two days to ask her to marry me.
And the first time she said "try again later."
because although I have near-pulitzer grade linguistic skills in the textual format, out loud? With spoken words? "Glub-glub-derp? Buh?" (gestures with ring) (GF looks at moi blankly, then looks pointedly at hands. 'which finger is said ring supposed to go on, lad?')(what finger does the bloody engagement ring go on? Panic! Panic!) "bnuh?"
("um. you did just say you loved me only a week ago. Do try again in a few months?")(crushed. broken. shattered.)Luckily, she called up the next day, and gave me the chance to ask again. and said yes. (XXXXXD)

Now, as to how we actually managed to end up going out in the first place...
A mutual friend introduced us. I had almost been going out with the friend. We met at a New-years Eve party. we played risk,she crushed us all, i offered to rub her feet. My hands are still my best feature, in her regard.
I freely and sincerely regard myself as the luckiest man in the world, or at least in the five-state upper midwest, to have ended up with her.